Art by Mateusz Twardoch –
NOTE: I am bipolar and I was manic as hell on this day. When I am manic, it feels like everything I’ve ever wanted is dropping into place. Not that it isn’t. But things look different when mundane reality eventually seeps back in a few days (or weeks) later.
My entire life is on a new footing.
I’m no longer in pain. I no longer feel shut down, cut off from the magical current.
I found my mentor. J_______ has the knowledge I want, and it is all available to me now in the form of his magical training course, and his extensive collection of videos.
We don’t have to interact, though I can send him direct messages on his Patreon.
I am so happy! SO SO SO HAPPY.
He has what I want. He has already demonstrated, (in a spectacular fashion), that he can deliver the most profound of results. He works directly with energy. Invoking, storing, directing. This is my interest and what I am most adept at.
I wanted a mentor to do more than show me what ingredients are required, and what steps to do in order to do magic. Magic is not a recipe.
What is being worked with here? How? Why does it work this way? I need the meta. Yay, I found someone who teaches that way, including each step, and what is happening. how it all fits together. I can’t really develop magic—create a place in myself that responds—without this piece.
This is why I am going to write an occult book, about this neglected aspect of magical knowledge and training.
Blasting Depeche Mode (Exciter!), I was howling Lucifer’s name with joy as I drove back from the post office, where I mailed my first eBay item, the first time I have sold on eBay. I took six huge bins of stuff out the door last week, and put several lucrative items aside for sale on eBay. That’s how I can afford the monthly Vampire Initiation, and the supplies I am gathering for J_______’s magical course—mostly crystals, which is not surprising for doing energy work.
(I already have a bunch of smaller crystals all over my altar and around my apartment for protection. I felt a warm prompt of bliss energy when I looked at a particular clear quartz orb on Etsy, and bought it).
“LUCIFER!!! LUCIFER!!!!!!” Ha ha!! Cars are so great for yelling. And singing.
Lucifer started all this, my initiation into the world of magic. He is the most loving entity, with a keen interest in every single person who seeks ascent. When it comes to Lucifer, dreams really do come true.
I also thank Belial, and Set. Belial who showed me the magic circle, a lesson I continue to unpack in so many ways. Set, master of earth and sky, who shakes the earth and fills the sky with a tempest. He has blasted me through this crisis, which of course has been perfect for me and my ascent. I should also mention Athena, with her gift of power, her mighty wings.
Journaling. That’s what got me to a place of much deeper, more granular understanding, and moved me through what held me back. I learned what needed to be learned, faced what must be faced.
Precious, precious these gifts, and the great return on my serious effort. The work of a lifetime, really. Hail to me.
HAIL.
Now my life is really beginning. More challenges to come. Bring it.
Twilight in the Underworld 
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