I cannot be forsaken

At last I see it.

I was discouraged. I felt I had failed. My development through magick was meager at best.

I updated my altar with Santa Muerte at the center.

I am connected to the Death Current.

And at last I see it.

I have been trying to hang on to the feelings of contact I receive from deities, demons, spirits. I try to focus on the feelings of bliss they fill me with as they possess me, change me. When I stop thinking about them, my mind wandering, I feel I have failed, and they will leave me. Forsake me.

At last I see it.

I cannot “mess this up.” I cannot.

I progress because of my connection to the current. It flows into me, through me. It is up to me whether I have this connection, a simple choice. I have made this choice. I am connected to, changed by, transformed by the current of magical energy.

I need not try to be connected. I need not try to hold onto moments of feeling the connection. I drift through many feelings—and the lack of them—but the connection remains. Steady. Real. Constant.

I need not grasp the feelings, the moments… trying to keep them from slipping away.

I slip in and out of the sensation of the divine touch I receive from the entities concerned with my ascent. But my connection to them and the current is not interrupted. It is not lost. I am not forsaken.

I am not forsaken.

I will not be forsaken.

I cannot be forsaken.

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Twilight in the Underworld