I have entered a stage where I am so tired, and so achy, I feel like I am dying. It is like the tired and achy parts of a very bad flu. I never get sick, so it has been many many years since I have had a cold or the flu.
I think I am dying to this world, to the limited world.
Today as I was driving to my doctor’s appointment, I looked around myself at a small world, somewhat irrelevant. I don’t fit in it anymore.
I have no respiratory symptoms, but I took the other Covid test I got in the mail, and was negative.
My life, my limited self has been partially sloughed off of me. The huge energy influxes of Azazel are now little touches of gentle reassurance, buoying me up.
I spend as much time as possible in bed. Bed rest is the number one thing that I need. Number two is water, and number three is high protein food.
I don’t often do ceremonial magic. In my magic, I am transformed by the entities that possess me, mostly Azazel. My magic is the process of ascent, and I have been full on in this process since my shaktipat in 1999.
My inner state is steady. I have gained control over the parts of me that are not about ascent. When fear starts, I stop it. I am done with fear, and the burdens of limited consciousness.
Ascent is what I do. Ascent is who I am. There is no part of me that hasn’t been transformed. Soon(?) I will come together in a new way. I will never stop changing.