Direct message from Astarte Astaroth
Thank you for your reply. I have really enjoyed your comments in our live streams, and enjoyed reading about your magical path.
About me. I was raised Mormon and left the church in my teens. I have been a seeker all my life and learned about astral work and tarot etc. from Wicca, but I thought the occult was dark and actually silly, as I assumed it was about the Christian devil, which meant it was still based on Christian belief.
In 1999 I had an astral visitation by a Hindu Master to attend her local appearance. I have not had a personal, in person relationship with her. The guru is a universal principal that is not limited to the physical form.
I received the gift of kundalini awakening (shaktipat) from her, Gurumayi Chidvilasananda, who comes from the shakti lineage through her guru, Baba Muktananda, from the great Indian saint, Nityananda. Siddha Yoga is ostensibly very right hand path, though this is just the mainstream aspect of it. An important understanding at the center of the teachings is that true freedom means to transcend the qualities of good and evil.
In 2000 I moved to Shree Muktananda ashram in the Catskill Mountains of New York State, and lived there for three years. I was not a yoga chick. I wore all black and slept through morning chants and meditations, preferring to meditate in the evening. My position of service at the ashram was in the IT department.
My participation has given me the precious opportunity to join study of Hindu scriptures, and invest in a growing understanding and proficiency in living study of a nondualistic school of Hinduism (Kashmir Shaivism and Advaita Vedanta). I became proficient in regular meditation. My level of understanding of reality was greatly enhanced.
Living at the ashram was an intense immersion experience, as the Kundalini shakti of the ashram is intense. Since my kundalini awakening, and continuing after I moved away from the ashram, I went through a period of about 20 years of profound kundalini purification. I was a walking bonfire. To say it was uncomfortable is massive understatement. So much of the limited part of me was simply burned away. In Hindu thought, it is conceptualized as burning the karmas. Karmas are debts based upon decisions and actions that “make reality” of the delusions of being trapped in a certain, limited understanding and reality.
Internally reliving these decisions and moments turns the intense discomfort of challenging delusion into the fire that creates the change.
The life of kundalini purification is full of spiritual experiences. It is like magic in that what is impossible becomes possible. One small example is experiencing an indoor rain storm that occurred only in a spot measuring about 3×4 feet. I had astonishingly blissful experiences of complete union and identification with the universal divine.
The difference between these experiences and magic is that kundalini happens, whereas magic is active and by its very definition self-directed. Shree Kundalini had her own logic as to where the fires of transformation burned in me and my life. I chose complete transformation, and opened to and received complete immersion in the fire. But I did not direct this process. With magic I have transcended the cosmology of being reabsorbed into the universal divine, and choose instead to become the divine by actively creating my own, individual and endless path of ascent and self-actualization.
I met someone who was a Satanist a year ago, and looked into this occult thing. I found out that magic isn’t about a Christian devil. Immediately I realized that all of the progress and merit I had accumulated in being profoundly transformed by awakened kundalini would make becoming an advanced magician within my immediate reach.
The challenge has been mainly two-fold:
1) I am very used to having profound spiritual experiences. But because I didn’t direct them, I never had to discern what made them “real.” I opened myself to the fire, and reaped the rewards. With magic, I have to choose specifically what the process is made up of, and what it means in terms of where the results come from, and what makes them “real.” This is where the learning curve has been very steep. Learning how to get my hands from a serene position in my lap onto the steering wheel of a rocket ship.
2) The corollary to this is choosing and investing in my own development. Learning to take an active role in participating in the spiritual experiences I have. What is happening? How do I participate in this? Where is the entity teaching me? What are the next steps the direction they are they pointing to as the current spiritual opportunities of my ascent?
Early in my first year of study of magic, I lost the interest in and pursuit of ceremonial magic. Entities came to me, and taught me. Over and over, I had to learn that my limited perception of what was happening in moments of magic had to be discarded. My limited understanding, and my limited participation, was in the way.
For example, last time I “did some magic,” I did _____ and it worked spectacularly. So I would assume that I should do that again. Over and over this has not worked. I am an adept in many ways but I am really kind of slow when it comes to learning these basic sorts of things, which is ironic.
What is next? What is truly now? This is what I struggle with.
I currently don’t do regular sessions of magic. When I do, I pretty much just attend to my altar by lighting candles, and waving incense in front of the deities to please and thank them for their presence in my temple, and in my life. I often slip into trance, and may meditate for awhile, though I am learning trance and meditation are not necessarily the same thing.
The main aspect of my magic has become a sort of constant possession by Azazel, who is my patron deity. Much of his work with me utilizes the profound sexual energies, which fill me and transform and deify me. I experience spontaneous orgasms. We have astral sex, sometimes several times a day. I am also very close with Set, and have a sexual relationship with him.
In an inspired moment several months ago, I asked Azazel to make me VERY POWERFUL. In that moment, I could feel this real potential in myself for the first time. It was a very brief moment that was soon a part of the past. But in the last few days I realized that my profound request is coming true.
I discovered the Death Current. I bought Conner Kendall’s book. I went to the cemetery to gather soil. While I was there, the spirits snapped twigs over and over behind me. I asked them to appear, but they did not.
Death has come to live on my alter, in my temple. Death is real.
I worship Death. Death is the entity that cannot be directed or controlled by any magician. It is the ultimate, most powerful force. By worshiping Death, I exalt myself.
Working with Death is supercharging learning how to be in the moment magically. How to know what is NOW. How to actively participate in my own transformation NOW, in this moment? How to accept the spiritual experiences, but without being passive, or basing my actions upon the limited understandings that are being challenged in me, that have to be removed before I can progress.
But I am still wandering about with this, struggling, tripping over things. I am making progress, but it often doesn’t feel like it.
Working with the Death Current is definitely what is now and real for me. Not Draconian ceremonial ritual work. Not the Qliphoth. Not study with other magicians (with one exception, below).
The Death Current. That and my work with Azazel. This is reality that has taken shape.
A few months ago I received a profound inspiration that I am to collaborate with Eric Koetting in some way. It seems our personal magical currents overlap in some way. I have joined his live streams and there has been a deep connection in terms of my questions and his answers in the live chat. twilightbelow.com/2022/05/15/koetting
I have a 30 minute consultation booked for this Friday to discuss this with him. I don’t know yet what form this might take. Perhaps having an occasional consultation with him. Perhaps he’ll let me use barter to pay for more in depth access to his services (I live on a very limited income). Perhaps I will become involved in his organization or spiritual circle. I live in Las Vegas and my family is from Southern Utah. I think he has a home in Las Vegas and property in Southern Utah. There could be a real match in terms of overlapping of our magical and perhaps more personal lives. We will see.
I have set up the consultation. I am going for it. Action is the key to making my dreams a reality.