Working with Belial again. It has been several months since he “passed me on” to work with Set.
I started by calling him to my temple, but he did not come. I said “I’m afraid,” and I felt him comforting me. I began to settle down, eventually into a trance.
I saw him with his back to me, walking towards the entrance to a cave. I felt the cool, wet sand beneath my feet as I watched his white feet below his long black robe, leading me through the darkness. He turned, and I saw his face for the first time (in past work he appeared in a skeletal aspect). A pale, serious face.
Then I was down, roiling around on the sand, the poisonous alchemy working through me—but it was a step towards the real work.
Again I was walking near and behind him. I began to feel that just walking with him was the means of our work together.
At one point I felt him appear (astrally) in my temple, standing right in front of me for half a minute or so. (I opened my eyes, but did not see him in mundane reality).
Then I saw (astrally) the top of his head close in front of me, his head down and facing me, his wet and stringy, dirty blond hair plastered onto his head. I was confused. I tried different things. I even tried kissing his head. Then I fell through his head and into him. Not through his personal presence, as I would fall into him when he was looking at me. It was his space, his world I was falling into.
Again we were walking. He was walking me through his “place,” where he exists. I experienced a large place of complete darkness, where he is completely alone. A place with no contact with other places. I was walking with him where he is.
I have never felt that kind of aloneness before. It was exquisite. A place of nothingness. Only Belial.
On and off I “saw” my world crowding into the edge of my awareness—the mundane world—and it was disruptive and very uncomfortable. I had to get away from that vision, and back to his place of utter peace and silence, where there was nothing, except for him. His form, his consciousness, his existence.
Walking, walking. He walks in this place. It is his place of existence. And I was walking with him.
Again he teaches me without words. He reveals that which develops my understanding. This is very different from the transformation via energetic possession I experience with Azazel.
Not the divine alchemy of possession. Belial gives me the “poison” of alchemy as understanding and knowledge. I ingest it and I am changed.
I have learned that it is possible to be profoundly, fully, metaphysically alone. That this is a place. This knowledge changes my experience of all places. And I can now be completely alone in that way.
What is my place of complete aloneness? Can I face this place? Perhaps this is the next step, to find this place. The next time I slip into trance and meditation.
You are ancient and powerful, and you guide my ascent. I love you, I thank you. I thank you.