A day I have prepared for, perhaps all of my life. How I have longed to experience magic in a group setting. And the morning has come for the day of my first group ritual, the first ritual with the Coven I am being initiated into. The usual nicotine rush from my first hit of vape with my morning coffee vibrated and grew and filled me to overflowing with Sathanas’ possession of me with a uniquely “nictotine bliss” flavor. He who is the source of all forms of bliss, chemical or otherwise!
It was more bliss than I was prepared to feel. I struggled to contain it, to not push it down or away. Such immense waves of inconceivable bliss!
Preparing for the ritual, trying to plug in a rechargeable book light, a “twang” sound was alarming to me (did I break the book light?) Then I got the clear impression to stop fussing with the light—to stop fussing with the details of this day—without the book light having to actually break.
[ I flash on the day before, when I was “fussing” with my new Baphomet statue, and it literally leaped out of my hand, landing a foot away on my workbench. I sat for a long moment of astonishment, looking at my empty hand and the statue laying on its side, picturing an invisible hand that had ‘swatted’ the statue from my steady grasp. This is a representation of me. Show your respect. ]
Stop fussing. Free yourself from obsession. Listen carefully, I am speaking to you in the very smallest of things.
Immediate, intense bliss confirmed my guess as to the meaning of this moment with the inconsequential little book light.
And so. A new method of communication is being established, more subtle even than I ever imagined.
I am beginning to see how deep the rabbit hole goes.
A NOTE TO CHRISTIAN TOURISTS I have given you a lot to work with here. Imagine! I have offered my life and my soul to Satan. This 'evil' is such a thrilling thing for you to read about. How exciting it is for you to muck about in your willful misunderstanding of that which is most precious to me. Lord Sathanas is ancient, so much older than your "god," and the book you claim to read and follow. Your religion slanders the God of Truth. You condemn yourself in shame of your human nature. You worship the godless demiurge that enslaves you. You defend the mind control that manipulates your fear of a mythical being with the divine power and evil task of tempting you to a fall. They have warned you against this truth, and from my words you feel this deeply ingrained fear of true freedom, the unexamined fear that results from group think. Sathanas as the liberator tempts you to throw off the chains of self-condemnation and imprisonment. Sathanas as the adversary represents unbounded human potential and freedom. The Lord of All is the true God of Light and Illumination. Your god is a sham. He does not love you. He has forsaken you. He does not save you. He condemns you.
OUR FATHER, who art in hell Unhollowed be thy name Thy kingdom come, thy will be done On earth as it is in hell We take this night our rightful due And trespass not on path of pain Lead us into temptation and Deliver us from false piety For thine is the kingdom Of power and glory forever We shall praise your unholy name We shall praise your unholy name We shall praise your unholy name Ave Sathanas! Ave Sathanas! AVE SATHANAS!
I studied a little about the Black Mass when I was first learning about the Coven, and knew this would likely be the first ritual I would participate in as a (soon to be) new member and initiate. I was curious how the coven would translate the Black Mass group ritual—which includes an unclothed female member laying upon the altar, becoming the altar—to a video chat environment.
I was pleasantly surprised that part of the ritual was self sexual stimulation and offering of the pleasure and release, and that this included inviting Sathanas (and the hosts of hell) to ravage our bodies. The Mass wouldn’t have felt complete to me without a sexual component. How lewd and unholy and fiery was this astral sex for me, a revelation of sorts, my first experience of an astral sex with the entities in a group environment, a Satanic raising of power. A mystic sort of “deflowering” in which that power became the thrust of energy into me, in a size much larger than actual sex organs. The bodily and astral ecstasy flowed as I orgasmed again and again.
I feel so blessed to love and respect and support the members of the coven. What amazing intimacy will develop between us! I feel so grateful to receive the Magus’ talents and ministrations as a leader, the way that he intones the words of the ritual, amplifying their meaning. I am deeply affected at a previously unknown level by the thrilling sounds of his demonic, infernal supplications, his praising ‘in tongues’ at times. I felt illuminated with his empathy and knowledge throughout, and I felt so taken care of, by him, and by his deep connection with Lord Sathanas. He moved me so deeply, moving me along on the journey that we took through the many uniquely transformational moments of this ceremonial ritual of black, Satanic magic.
I did not have any conception! I did not know how this would be a mental and visceral journey, each moment purposefully created and visited by the many who have participated in this ritual, each “stop” made of so many subtle shades of trance, and of the proffered delights along the way. My pure focus and willingness was alchemically transformed into the deepening moments of trance, and of the myriad energies of possession, the splendid current flowing along with me in it.
I felt the ritual carefully visit and induce each moment, sheparding me along in a dark celebration of immense joy.
After the ending of the Mass, we made the sounds of our tender joy, humming and calling together softly as a sort of gently soaring hymn with no words, and this was so perfect, such a beautiful way to end our ritual.
We talked about the mass after, and one of the participants said she felt completely comfortable, and that this was amazing. I felt so happy and honored to be a part of that.
We talked about our sexual experiences in an open and natural way, describing our ecstasy and release. What a delight! I shall allow myself to make the sounds that go with this excitement and release in the future.
At last, when I was asked how the experience was for me, and how I felt about continuing as a member of the coven, and a part of the very real love we share, I said that I felt that love, and wished very much to share it ‘with each of you,’ as a part of our shared journey. I am committed. I have joined this wonderful coven! And they have each welcomed me in their hearts.
Oh what delight! What great fortune!! I am called, and I receive this gift, to serve my Master Sathanas, and to be in a wonderful coven just weeks after I discovered my dark Lord in ritual, having no idea what was about to happen to me. No idea! None. I am blessed beyond all reckoning.
A coven with men and women. A coven that is multi-cultural, and goes beyond “white people doing things,” LOL. A coven that is a treasure.
Oh joy! Bliss and joy!
I remember at the beginning, when I was invited to speak aloud my intention for the ritual. My intention was this: that all that is in the way of my knowledge of and intimacy with my Lord Sathanas should be removed, something that immediately came to fruition. An alchemical process that has fully continued into this, the next day, as I write about this ritual. I am looking around at a fully changed world. I find in myself a new level of mastery over my mind, easily challenging the parts from my past that seek to negate my experience, pulling me back into the small world I came to inhabit in this lifetime. The timid world of aching emptiness before I found magic and the Occult. Before I have been lifted up by My Lord, and filled with his love and power.
After the ritual, I just did not know what to do with myself, an uncomfortable feeling. I felt I should immediately journal about the experience in my grimoire (this blog), so I could dutifully preserve and fondly relive throughout my life my experience of this, my first group ritual. But I found that I simply resisted this activity mightily. I tried to listen to a podcast about Satanic subjects, and could not pay attention.
Finally I realized that this was a time of absorption, of integration. Using my mind to learn and to write needed to be put off while the internal shifts were being processed, and these moments of inner transformation were complete. I will remember to make time and space for this “landing” part of the process in the future.
Today I received a message from the Magus, asking how I am feeling after yesterday’s ritual.
“I feel myself connected at a much deeper level to Him, and to His presence in all that surrounds me. It’s the feeling I wanted so much from Jesus, but felt nothing, empty. Now I am so full! I will have to grow forever to hold all that He offers me.
I love the members of the Coven. Sathanas has guided me to such wonderful people, and such an amazing, living worship and gnosis/darshan of Him.”