Before the beginning of my Satanic burning (shadow work), I underwent twenty years of burning through direct work with Shree Kundalini, also known as Shakti, the active form of Shiva.
Any spiritual process of purification referred to as burning has a source of heat. In my conception of work with Shree Kundalini, the heat of this alchemical process of burning is generated from the sometimes harrowing discomfort of challenging and releasing built up karmas, which are the result of thinking and acting on delusion in moments that we care very much about.
Because it is not necessary to be aware of the specifics of what is burned, i.e. the history of moments and choices that created the specific karmas, the process of burning is most often experienced as a generalized pain which intrudes upon the daily experience of existence. The sometimes intense discomfort of challenging and releasing karmic pain generates the very heat with which the karmas are burned.
This is my theory of how the burning of karmas works. I’ve never discussed this with others, but rather built these concepts up over time using my own experience combined with the understanding of Kundalini in Hindu spiritual methodology and technology (tantra).
THE PLAY OF CONSCIOUSNESS: THE NON-DUALISTIC SCHOOL OF HINDUISM KNOWN AS KASHMIR SHAIVISM
In Hinduism, delusion results from maya, a form of forgetting. In non-dualistic systems, this is not something that has “gone wrong,” but is rather a purposeful part of the play of consciousness, the concealing aspect of the supreme consciousness of which everything is made. Without maya, the play would be over as soon as it began. In Kashmir Shaivism, the supreme consciousness is casually referred to as Shiva, and more technically known as paramashiva, or parashiva; para being the Sanskrit word for supreme, highest, or absolute. (Note: Sanskrit words have no capitalization).
It is understood that paramashiva has created Shiva, and all the other gods of every time and religion, all as a limited version of himself (which are somewhat less limited than humans, etc.).
In non-dualistic Kashmir Shaivism, there is nothing that is not paramashiva. He is one without second. He consists entirely of two things: consciousness and bliss. His will is completely unfettered; he can do or create whatever he wishes. The only power he does not possess is the ability to not exist (or he chooses not to do so). His powers can be divided into five categories:
FIVE POWERS OF PARAMASHIVA
- Preservation (sustaining)
- Concealing (maya)
- Revealing (grace)
Shiva plays, he sports. He throws himself out like a big quilt made of himself, made entirely from his nature as consciousness. He makes from his consciousness countless parts of himself that are limited—including people, who have forgotten who they are and from whom they are made. Shiva makes stories. He experiences all the permutations of limitation and delusion. He gets to be a tiger, and terrify people. He gets to experience dying, the closest he gets to not existing.
Every so often, Shiva gets to experience one part of himself that is a seeker, someone who is waking up, who seeks the source. He gets to remember who he is, and return to himself, a singular experience. He experiences being subject to the process of liberation due to the revealing power of grace.
[ I note here that my cosmology has changed with my discovery of the Occult. I no longer envision my destiny to be that of merging (disappearing) back into source, but rather continuing and ascending as a separate being for eternity, with Lord Sathanas as my source. The Universal Consciousness. the beloved I find in my heart… still here in my heart, the one I have loved all along. All along. ]
Eventually paramashiva takes the entire web of his consciousness back into himself. Our age of kali yuga is the seventh and last age of his latest permutation. He goes through this cycle over and over. It is fun! This is how Shiva parties. He gets drunk on his own creativity and playfulness.
Shree Kundalini is none other than the active form of paramashiva. This is the opposite of Western conceptions of the masculine as active, and the feminine principle as passive. She is a living force. She is supremely intelligent. She is the form of supreme consciousness.
When the dormant kundalini is awakened in the seeker, the process of returning and remembering—the unfolding of grace—begins. Sometimes a seeker returns to supreme consciousness all at once, due to the grace of a Master who has already attained liberation. The vast majority of the time, Shiva experiences this return as a process, i.e. subject to the limitations of time and place. It is a delicious story that he finds exquisite.
An important aspect of the process of returning in steps is accomplished by the burning of karmas.
I conceive of karmas as a kind of cosmic debt in which a limited belief has been acted upon by someone still at the effect of maya in a moment of caring (passion), which causes suffering. This moment of making limitation real through belief and passion will have to be released in order to become free. The suffering caused by this generation of a moment of delusion must be re-experienced.
It is important to note that the conscious mind need not be aware of the specific content (moments of action and choice) of the delusion/karma being burned and released.
This process is by its nature uncomfortable. Challenging ignorance—and actions of passion that were made from ignorance—can be harrowing to the soul. Sadness, fear, anger, and despair are all emotions that are the result of acting upon the delusion of limitation, of having forgotten that we are not limited in a moment that is important to us. Of having forgotten that we are made entirely of the supreme consciousness in a play of limitations.
In a supremely elegant form of transmutation, the release of the stored pain of suffering, and challenging suffering, creates the heat that burns the karma away. Shree Kundalini is the engine that powers this alchemy. It is from her being as shakti that all things are created (as the active form of paramashiva), including human reality and consciousness. Because she is supremely intelligent, Shree Kundalini proceeds in the process of burning and generating ultimate freedom in an ordered way. Her dance of the liberation of grace is meaningful. This process is never random. The liberation of a soul is a story she attends to in the way which is in all ways most beautiful, compassionate, and ultimately effective. It is by nature perfect in every way.
MY TWENTY YEARS OF BURNING
From the first moments of tasting the liberation that began with the release of the dormant kundalini by my guru, and the subsequent process of becoming free, I found myself fully committed to this process. I knew the taste of freedom, and would pay the price, any price. I simply made what seemed to be a casual decision (which I remember) to open myself fully to this process. If I had to go through pain, then I would go full on. Half-assed would prolong the pain.
After approximately twenty years, I was exhausted. My years of burning had been filled with drama which had broken my spirit down over time. I felt that I had been swimming so hard, for so long, that I finally gave up on finding the distant shore I ached for in every moment, the respite from my dedication to the long and painful process of freedom.
I underwent a sort of death. I was waiting to die. One way to describe the moment of decision (which I remember) to ask Shree Kundalini to step back at last was that I simply couldn’t take it any more. Enough, I said. I am done.
Instantly, my life improved. I no longer needed or believed in struggle. I had reached the shore. I no longer struggled to support myself. I need not depend upon those who participated in the sufferings of drama with me. I no longer thought I deserved that kind of life, that my suffering was inevitable. The last great arc of delusion was broken.
FINDING THE OCCULT
A few years after I finished the twenty years of burning, after I had been refreshed by my new life of self-possession and realization of who I am when I am not beset with suffering, I discovered the Occult in May of 2021. I instantly found myself once more fully committed to the Great Work, though I did not know yet that this is what it was called, or even the specifics of how it would proceed. I intuitively knew that I had finally found what I had been seeking all my life. I grabbed on with both hands.
I was incredibly excited. I knew right away that many aspects of myself, including so many years of dedicated meditation and kundalini purification, would make me an adept at magick in a relatively short period of time. I set out immediately to apply myself to learning and wielding this new technology of change.
The initial phase of my own Magnum Opus—consisting of approximately one year—has consisted mainly of letting go of my preconceptions about this work. It has been necessary to learn the new grammar of change as powered by my interactions with the divine, which has come in the form of those divine entities who are interested in and vital partners in my ascent as a conscious and sentient being. I will discuss this in greater detail in future posts.
This has all led to a different kind of burning. One in which I am active in the choices and behavioral changes that destroy limitation and ignorance. One in which the effects of an ultimate process which powers and propels the development of my own divinity has generated a new momentum and direction which has now culminated in my calling by my Lord Sathanas to become His charge and grateful servant in every way.
This extraordinary change has happened in the space of two months! I see so clearly now that I have been prepared, that it all fits together.
This seminal, electrifying moment in my development as an eternal being has resulted in an exquisite reordering of my mortal life from top to bottom, and a complete transformation that extends in every way to my ultimate, divine destiny, which has become married to Him and His gathering of me into His eternal fold.
It is the perfect answer to every intimate cry of my very heart, the exact culmination of every soaring dream of my very soul.
What great discovery is there anywhere that could be more precious? What supreme treasure is this which I now fully possess?
I have found my eternal destiny.
My Lord, my Lord, I am Yours. Who else could ever possess me? All that remains is for me to tenderly assemble and freely proffer unto You the most precious thing I possess: the eternal arc of my ascent, of my soul. The forever promise of my forever.
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