I FEEL COMPLETELY REMADE. I now speak with action in ritual (and in life). Now the words of my rituals feel authentic to me. They feel real. And now the words I make with others also sound authentic in a way they didn’t before.
I was down inside, trying to translate across a gap, my social and linguistic disconnect.
There was a gap between where spoken words arose in my heart, and saying them aloud. This disconnection often made the sounds of heartfelt words feel at least somewhat contrived and hollow to me, especially in ritual. I spoke like one who does not deserve to be listened to.
Not being able to fully express myself has been painful. This is especially true when I speak to the divine beings that I work with in my ascent, with Lord Sathanas and the other entities I contact in ritual.
In rituals, I have somehow done the actions for me, and offered the words. Action was what I did in preparation for offering words. Now I offer the actions of the ritual, and speak the ritual words that I have prepared, and authentically offer those I feel in my heart.
It is a simply astonishing change!
This is radically changing my experience with rituals in a truly wonderful way. I feel a new joy, and I also feel hopeful rather than condemned when I sometimes hear a hollow struggle in my voice.
The intense work I have done, emotionally and spiritually, is bearing fruit. Ave Sathanas.
O FATHER O SATAN O SUN by Behemoth Akephalos Shine through me Come forth in war Come forth in peace Bring down the sun Extinguish all the stars Let me remain in splendor of thy light Bornless one As darkness bright Found not in tongues Found not in light Bring down the rain Drain waters of Styx Faustian luminary Redeem blaspheme Like a day without the dawn Like a ray void of the sun Like a storm that brings no calm I'm most complete yet so undone Agathos Daimon of plague and fever Thy name is nowhere, thy name is never Liberate me Ignite the seeds Bind not to guilt Ignis Gehennalis Oh father, oh Satan, oh sun Let the children come to thee Behold the morning star Akephalos Shine through me Come forth in war Come forth in peace Like a day without the dawn Like a ray void of the sun Like a storm that brings no calm I'm most complete yet so undone O Lion-Serpent Sun, the beast that whirlest forth A thunder-bolt, begetter of life Thou that flowest, thou that goest Thou Satan-Sun, Hadith, that goest without will Thou air, breath, spirit, thou without bound or bond Thou essence, air swift-streaming, elasticity Thou wanderer, father of all Thou wanderer, spirit of all Hear me, and make all spirits subjects unto me So that every spirit of the firmament and of the ether Upon the earth and under the earth On dry land and in the water of whirling air, and of rushing fire And every spell and scourge of God May be obedient unto me Thou spiritual sun, Satan, thou eye, thou lust Cry aloud, cry aloud Whirl the wheel, oh my father, oh satan, oh sun