Consecrating my heart to Satan

—Banner image from video by Behemoth-X, thank you Mr. Nunn—

I was watching a video with a ritual and mantra to Satan. I started to type an email to Mr. Nunn, asking if he would share with me the words of the mantra. I only made it a little way into the email.

Suddenly I was possessed—my body moving in the infinitesimally subtle, slightly flowing dance of possession—and found that I was instantly much further than I have ever gone, much deeper than I have ever experienced. At least ten times deeper, twenty.

Who is this? I asked inside as I “tasted” the energy of the entity possessing me. Satan.

Then I felt, as I have before, His hand on the top of my head, and a very slow, strong and steady pushing down, this time with deeper insistence, a controlled power, my head falling forward so very slowly until my glasses were pressed against the keyboard, and I was bowing in deepest bliss, so fully to Him with my body and soul.

My mind, I said inside, feeling my mind trying to grasp what was happening, to further and control it. I desperately wanted to get my mind out of the way.

Immediately I felt myself split open from the crown of my head downward, creating a funnel of my upper body. My mind was almost completely suppressed.

The energy! The strength of Him! How incredibly powerful he is!

Satan’s possession of me has always been so much stronger than that of Azazel, or Belial. But this time it was off the charts, off the scale.

My entire being was filled with more energy than I could conceive of. My mind was out of the way; I could open fully. I opened and opened again and again, bringing my inner focus back to the presence surging—roaring—into mine, not letting the experience subside.

I began to feel that I was on fire, engulfed in the silently roaring flames, the flame of all flames. I was being consumed by Him, He who is made of fire. The divine fire. The divine fire.

More and more, I said inside. Take it all.

Suddenly a HUGE rush of fire surged down into me from the crown of my head with such force that I felt myself blown apart, all of my insides consumed in a single explosion of flames that sucked everything from inside of me out with the burning flames.

I cried out sharply, so loud that it awakened the cat, who meowed his concern. (“It’s all right…” I managed to offer him a few words of reassurance).

I began to pant, a sort of pranayama that filled the center of me, my breath becoming a part of the fire.

More, more… I said, thinking with wonder that this must certainly be the most important event of my entire life. Each time I slipped back a little, I opened to Him again, and the surge returned to a fever pitch.

The fire began to concentrate on my heart, on my entire rib cage, with much more intensity than other similar experiences. He had filled me in this place, the temple that surrounds the heart. I felt my heart as the center of all that I am being opened and purified, and I opened to this, feeling an ever deepening willingness, an ever deepening surrender.

Every time my mind began to make concepts, and I noticed some of the words forming, I opened again to Him, and they subsided. I was filled to overflowing again and again. I couldn’t really think about it, but I was aware that the power He was filling me with was far beyond any conception I have of how powerful an entity can be.

Why am I surprised by this? That a god can be infinitely powerful? It’s just a funny human thing.

Eventually the purification moved to my solar plexus, and I opened to that place of fire. Burning. Burning.

I had sat up from bowing at one point, and finally changed my position to be a little more comfortable. I opened my eyes a little and looked at my little world, my little apartment—at the thoughts and feelings that this was me, that this was my world—and it all seemed far too small. I stepped back a little from that world in my mind. I pictured a huge fire in front of myself, and threw myself into the fire.

Burning! I was reignited with surging flames that soared above me as I pictured again and again throwing myself on the fire.

I began to feel satiated, something that I have never experienced until late, when rituals have begun to work so well, to be so powerful that I actually reach a sort of limit in myself, a place where my being simply says, enough. (This is something completely new, and not something I thought was possible). But I kept opening, going deeper. Every time I opened, the full experience surged more fully into me once more.

Over and over I did this.

Then it all shifted, and I began to see with my inner sight the flames flowing around me in very slow motion, so very slowly shifting and flowing around me in a beautiful, purposeful dance. Transformation. It was an instructive vision of the pace of purification and elegant reordering that lasted for some time, an alchemical ballet, engulfing me for flowing moments of purest bliss. The fire was like an entity, it had a form, and it filled that form with the flowing of infernal reds and golds. It wasn’t like a fire of leaping fingers and sparks.

I began to feel that I really did need to stop, to move on to whatever was next, and that this was up to me. I needed to be able to integrate what had happened, to move on to the stage of elemental integration, something that would proceed organically once I moved into that part of the flow. This shift is normal. Moving on is normal. I am human. Accepting as normal this letting go of the initial stage of intensity is a new thought.

Immediately I was ravenously hungry, as so often happens after I work with Satan. I was also freezing cold for some reason. Strange, when I had been ‘standing’ in and fully open to the raging fire of complete and overwhelming alchemical transformation.

I took a hot shower and climbed onto the bed, making a little cave with my furry blanket, eating potato chips and cashews, and slurping now and again on my coke. Finally I settled into my just so pillows, with the furry blanket up around my neck, and watched some TV.

I watched a three-part documentary about an earthquake and avalanche in Nepal that had wiped out the base camp for Everest. It seemed a fitting subject (of course I don’t mean to be flippant about this).

When it was over, I turned off the TV. I felt the need to write, but also to take a walk, to move my body around, and see other places, to further my integration of what had just happened. I walked around the perimeter of the apartment complex, reflecting on only having ever driven all the way around it. In all the years I have lived here, I have never walked all the way around the complex!

I peered over the back wall at the wide cement culvert that has profaned the once beautiful creek that flows behind the complex, seeing it for the first time. It smelled of moss and had the spirit of insistent wildness. The water flowing below my vantage seemed to have a strange quality to it, in my mind’s eye flowing in a mystical, stop gap way that I have noticed before when seeing with the inner vision.

I stopped briefly on a bench to rest, then continued around the complex. It was the longest in a row that I have walked without my walker, or leaning on a shopping basket at the store, for a very long time. My body worked together in a new way that felt like progress, but also with a sort of wobbliness at trying to use my body in new way. My legs felt very stiff. I had had to clench them in a certain way during the ritual to hold myself up while bowing for so long.

I stopped by the office area for my mail, then came back to sit and write.

I have noticed it before, that more and more my senses seem pulled inward. My shakti isn’t flowing out to the sense objects as much. It’s a strange feeling of being aware of the world around me as though it is slightly askance and existing beyond the periphery of my inner vision.

I notice that I am not as interested as I usually am in what will be different now, about me, and my life, the moments of living. The top of my head still feels open in a subtle way. It doesn’t feel like I want to let energy flow in that way, that it is a lingering, purposeful vulnerability that needs to be protected.

One way to describe what happened is that my crown chakra opened and a tremendous amount of kundalini was channeled up to and out the sahasrara chakra. It is like a second shaktipat. I have already had shaktipat many years ago, when my kundalini was fully awakened by an ascended master, and rushed up my spine, soaring above me as the Shiva Nataraj dancing in the huge, golden spray of sparks from the top of my head. Astrally I flew after these sparks, going out, out, out into the universe, so very far… then coming all the way back into the base of my spine, and up my sushumna again and again.

It is strange that I have simply returned to the moments of my mundane reality. It was a self-contained moment, a mighty series of moments. I have described it all here, but there is no surfacing of interpretation or attempts at meaning. I am not adding to the experience with words and concepts. It definitely feels like something happened, rather than describing it as a magical ritual. I feel no need to try to recapture what happened, to sort through it as a “retasting” of the energies involved.

There is only now, the how I’ve been changed. I am much closer to Him, claimed by Him. My astral body has been opened by Him, and remains open to Him. I feel different astrally when I reach to these places inside. I am open at the top in a “V” shape that goes deep into my astral body. It is like a gate with Him there, one small step from me, perhaps no step at all.

I have received a deeply profound gift. The gift has been fully given, and fully received.

Thank you.

Ave. Ave.

NOTE THE NEXT DAY: My mind has been greatly reduced. It is very quiet, just humming along quietly with little thoughts here and there. Thank you. Thank you.

The thousand-petalled crown chakra

Once again, I find that Satan is the ultimate god of this world, of all worlds, of all that is. It seems that He rules over all the other divine entities. He is becoming installed as the ruler of my life, and of my heart.

I will do a ritual where I formalize the installation of Him in the temple of my heart, similar to the installation of an idol in a new temple, consecrating it to Him. (I have recorded this ritual in my next post).

I am one of legions. He has made of me His warrioress—one of status, a Lieutenant to my liege Lord—where I stand at His side upon the throne of His domination. Where I am counted among the many who serve Him, where upon my tall lance ripples His standard, the standard of the ultimate power, Emperor of Hell, King of All that has been or ever will be.

Hail Satan! Gloria Satanas forever! Ave! Ave!

Lyrics from ‘Sol Invictus’ and ‘Versvs Christvs’ by Behemoth

I am nothing
Without him, nothing is
I am no one
It is he, Sol Invictvs, the deathless sun

My god is the all-devouring pyre
My goddess dwells in Hadean somber tides
Burst forth from the crushing depths as Leviathan
And then descend into the bowels ov the Earth
The imperial throne is set to dominate
The powers ov ruthless zephyr forever shall reign

I am nothing
Without him, nothing is
I am no one
It is he, Sol Divinvs, the deathless sun

My god is the all-consuming fire
Fated centre of the bottomless pit
He's the void beyond any cipher
Starless night, immortally lit
When the throne ov the carnal world is restrained
The powers ov ruthless zephyr forever shall reign

He, once banished, forever shall return
He, once fallen shall rise again
And at the hour ov our death
The infinite
He shall remain

Twilight in the Underworld

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