Look around. Everything you see is the pretty paper that hides the most precious gift.
Everything you see is the movie playing on a screen. What is beyond the screen? I know you think this is a tired old analogy.
This is not a theory, dear readers. I am not telling you something I came to believe, which guides my understanding and conception regarding reality.
Lord Satan has opened up my consciousness to an unforseen reality. This reality is close, very close. You can reach out inside, and you will be there without traveling, without changing yourself, without even changing your consciousness.
When I am there, his and my consciousness continually and completely, seamlessly touch, and often overlap.
It’s a new place that has opened up in me.
At the heart of this work has been the realization that the quality in myself that I have termed “earnest,” is another word for attachment. My life has been organized since childhood to attach to and manipulate myself and my life in a profound way.
My parents did not parent me, so I have spent a lot of time parenting myself. Part of this is an intense curiosity that manifests as continually educating myself, especially about topics that other tend to misunderstand.
Then I saw it. I could not really change unless I let go of my attachment. THIS WAS REALLY HARD. It has been the recipe for surviving and avoiding pain, and constantly negotiating with life for success and pleasure. It took me a few days after I realized this to really begin to shuck off what has given my life meaning, including spiritual goals and practice.
I was irked by it at first. I was not willing at first. I saw that the foundations for my life were to change. I struggled with the choice to proceed. We are talking the foundations of my life. These are the most precious parts of myself. I have put my life since childhood into this method of self-development. Now I see these things clearly, and I can also see clearly that THEY HAVE TO GO.
I HAVE GONE THROUGH A HUGE UPHEAVAL. I have had to control my mind a great deal more in order to make a switch.
I have had to learn how to change my thinking. I have begun to think quite differently. I have learned to stop my mind in many new ways. Especially in regret and pain about the very simple to the heavy occurrences of my life. I have been a perfectionist. If I do something less than perfect, I obsess forever about having messed things up.
Through the years, I began to noticed that my attempts at controlling and directing the circumstances of my life never resulted in the results I sought. I was baffled by this. I wasn’t sure how it happened. Or what it meant. Now I see I was trying to live life on my terms.
Worse than that, this extreme desire for control interfered in my spiritual development.
Now I see that I have been prepared. It has been a little over a year since I found the occult and learned to do magic. But the main focus of that time, in addition to valuable skills and experience, has been to stop and to let go of all I brought to magic, and to my life.
I have been prepared. The time is now. Letting go of control has given me what I want most. Far beyond what I thought was possible when I was trying to control everything, including magick and the results of magick.
I have been absolutely committed day after day, moment after moment. When a memory comes up that causes me regret and pain, I disrupt the usual line of thought. This doesn’t exist, except in my memory. Let it go. Gone. POOF.
A funny thing happened over the month of November. This can’t be a coincidence. Clearly I have experienced a huge break between what I want and think I can control, and what can happen. The entities are teaching me to recognize attachment, and just LET GO.
True story. In the month of November 2022, the following things I depend on have stopped working:
- My phone stopped working for FOUR WEEKS ~ Until my phone carrier sent me a THIRD SIM CARD
- My cable modem (fixed now)
- My WiFi (still doesn’t work)
- The CD player in my car died
- The key fob to the power locks/alarm on my car died—and I can’t get in because I don’t have the actual key to the car doors
- My $200 headset for phone calls died
- The ice maker in my freezer died
- I had a fire in my oven
- The two remotes for two kinds of LED candles I have on my altar BOTH quit working at the same time, then started working again
- A one-of-a-kind antique, solid brass mirror I was making for my business fell apart ($500.00 gone in an instant)
- My favorite lamp fell over and broke
- The county agency that helps me as a disabled person denied my benefits because I can’t provide a printout documenting that a checking account I had over ten years ago is closed (Ummmm, it no longer exists? There are no longer any records??)
- I lost one, ONE, of the cards to my tarot deck (The Moon, that is significant, I eventually found it somewhere I had no idea how it got there)
- My dryer started making weird sounds
- My blog went haywire, and WordPress is still trying to fix it
- My office chair kept seriously losing height. This stopped as soon as the replacement arrived, which I had to send back
- My reading glasses quit working ~ I’ve been using the glasses PLUS a magnifying glass
- My cat has developed severe rhinitus and sneezes all day and all night (poor guy)
- I fell down some concrete stairs in the dark and torched my knee
- New and exciting dental problems
- I’m sure there’s more I can’t think of
Cover art by John William Waterhouse: Study for Lamia (1909)
Leave a Reply