Dream of a monstrous depth

I dreamed that I was sitting on a couch opposite B______-X. It felt so good to be chatting with him, to be treated as an equal. I felt myself lifted up, my self-worth soaring. My body was singing with the pleasure of doing something that I love. Being close to someone I greatly admire. At... Continue Reading →

Death ritual meditation

I felt the call, to the bedroom, my temple. I began the ritual by opening the Necromancer book to a page with a ritual on it, and began to read it aloud. I called the dead. I remembered the dead who snapped twigs around me in the graveyard, calling them. Come to me. I called... Continue Reading →

Death Current ritual

DRUJ NASU GAV'THAA (repeated) It is I who rouse the Druj. It is I who rouse Nasu. It is I who rouse the Druj Nasu. Filth and decay, death and darkness The emanations of the dark rays of the blood moon, come. The Druj Nasu, She who dwells in the neck of Arezura The bringer... Continue Reading →

Step from myself into myself

—Art by John Reinhard Weguelin— RITUALS I have done rituals to invoke/evoke entities, initially to learn the basic skills for magic. I have continued rituals for the experience of connection and possession. But after the first few weeks in magical instruction, I stopped doing rituals for a specific purpose. Then I stopped doing rituals at... Continue Reading →

Love under will

Looking back over my recent blog posts... so many threads coming together. Feeling ambivalent, fragmented in my approach to magic. Finding my worth, in this world and beyond, as someone who has chosen to evolve. Bungling the task of wholeness. Bartering my potential for one certain outcome. The willingness, the readiness to trade away what... Continue Reading →

Just evolve

I am a black magician, a sorceress, a mage. And yet... I need not go to my altar. I need not perform any ritual besides that of looking within, and giving life and energy to that which is fueling my ascent. I am finding that my ascent is also a descent. I am born to... Continue Reading →

Sex with an incubus

I am working with an incubus for the first time. The sex is very different than what I have experienced with deities and demons. But then, each of them also have their own way of making love to me. Working with N____l for the first time. A friend gave me his name and told me... Continue Reading →

A certain wholeness

—Art by Fulco Culto ~ A God and a Goddess Wedding— "Expectation is a prison." ~Robert Fripp It's simple really. The choice. Trade away my purpose for a tantalizing transformation into something I am not, or find my purpose, the specific transformation I am born to. I have experienced my life and who I am... Continue Reading →

Searching versus wholeness

I SEE IT. How to describe the nerd in myself? The one that is in charge of "doing?" "How to get there? This looks cool... so, now... how to make this work? Can I use this to finally get to ________?" "My life got fucked up. This might be how to fix it! But.... how... Continue Reading →

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