Black flames at midnight. Skulls on my pillow. Invisible lovers.
Notes from the Underworld.
I finally achieved my dream of purchasing a nice tablet so I can read downloaded material in bed, and not just at my computer, which isn't as comfy. Hail myself.
I am looking for the specific technology of my spiritual evolution. I am ready. I am prepared. It will come.
Fantastic sex with Azazel last night. After several minutes of exquisite trance... His fiery touch there, his fiery hands on my breasts, the sexual rush of his penetration. After two orgasms, I received the impression to lay back on the bed (I was sitting at my altar). Immediate passionate sex, orgasming twice, after each orgasm a HUGE in-rush of massive, tingling energy, like I've never felt before.
I feel so intimate with him, such a deep connection of affection and love.
Spontaneous orgasm while driving. Hands on the wheel; sudden transformation.
I'm relaxing into it. No need to doubt. No need to push myself... to do or not do anything. Because I am not this. And everything is new, every day. Trying to shape or hold onto my latest attainment keeps me in the past. Each new moment is an entirely new mystery, unfolding forever. Forever.10 March
I scatter myself so I can come together (again) without struggle, reassembled at the resting place.
I identify as more than this.
I feel you only subtly. The next day I look around, and the world is fuzzy again. I went back to sleep.
It feels like I'm spinning. Cast about. I'm no longer moored to the underpinnings of my life, this lifetime. The level of discomfort. The intensity and amount of anxiety. I don't want to go back, only forward. It is my moment. I transcend. I transcend. I am above what I thought was myself. I watch myself veer between control and abandon, between the life strategy of perfection and pretending for awhile that anything goes.
I keep trying to do it. It isn't a do. I watch myself crashing about. Do not identify with that one, the one who crashes about. That's all I know.
29 January 2022
Azazel came to me soon after I awakened. A surge of bliss throughout my body. No wondering for the rest of today if I'm making this all up.
13 August 2021
What does it mean? Looking through a list of topics for a training course in magic, I briefly misread the topic “Tactical Timing” as “Tactical Whining.”
Twilight in the Underworld
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